We’ve all come across places in our travels that strike us as oddly-named, unless of course its a small settlement, town or creek in your own neck of the woods. Then its no longer weird but just a daily part of your own life in your own well-known community. So with that understanding allow me to submit a few of my own place- names which, as a fleeting traveler, both of the arm-chair variety and motorist type, I couldn’t help but notice….
Equality, Illinois: While most people should be proud of such a name Id hate to be that one rascist muthaf____ who happens to be born and raised here. If someone challenges him, whats he gonna say, “I don’t like minorities, that’s just the way I was raised back in my hometown of….” “Where? Youre kidding, right?”
Ozone, Tennessee: I wonder if anyone here freaked out the first time they saw a headline about the ozone layer disappearing? “Disappearing? Bullshit! Im not moving!”
Skaggs, Kentucky: Life is truly unfair, I’d hate to be a girl from this town, especially twin sisters, or worse yet, triplets.
Intercourse, Pennsylvania: OK, there’s already been plenty of obvious jokes about this place name. No further ejaculation needed, uh er, I mean elaboration.
Negro Foot, Virginia: Ayyyyyy, please. Not only erase the name but delete all records of it. Or at least produce a few equivalent places to level the playing field, like “White Elbow”, or “Latino Shoulder”….
West Virginia: The Mountain State has so many places to add to this list that I must edit them down to the most entertaining:
Cucumber: OK, I just hope there isn’t a local family here with the last name “Cukes”.
War: Nuf said.
Widemouth: Either a seductive invitation to fellacio or a place where you can’t get a word in edgewise.
Oceana: Get it? an ocean reference in this land of mountains and “hollers”?
Bud: Probably the dude that founded this settlement, not a pot or beer reference.
Omar: Gotta be for that one lone Arab guy who worked in the nearby paper mill during the Industrial Revolution.
Vulcan Leonard Nimoy’s birthplace perhaps?
Tomahawk, Duck, Gay (we are not!!!)
And now moving on….
Quitobaquito Springs, Arizona: nothing funny about this name, as long as you pronounce it in correct Spanish fashion, but a local tow truck driver in the nearby town of Ajo (yes, Garlic), didnt know where I was talking about at first until he said, “Oh, you mean “Kidda-Ba-Kidda Springs?”
Hell, Michigan: Obvious confusion arises if by chance you get pissed off at someone in this small town and try telling them where to go. Good chance they’ll misinterpret what youre really trying to say, in fact they’ll think the dispute is resolved by your good natured send-off.
Nimrod, Montana: When I was a kid I recall being called this name, usually preceded by “you fuckin..”, referring to my, alleged or real, ineptness shall we say.
Jollet, VA: Not a town, just a crossroads that once had a post office, mercantile store and a few poor folk living in simple, wood frame farmhouses. I was looking for it once years ago and stopped to ask a young man walking along the road and he had no idea where I was talking about until it came to him, “Oh, you mean “Jaw-Howl?”
Two Egg, Florida: Well firstly, its bad grammar, should be plural. Lastly, its gotta be a great place for breakfast.
Los Gatos, California: (The Cats) I drove thru here a few times, never saw one.
Ding Dong, Texas: Not to be confused with Long Dong, a Vietnamese porn star.
And of course I noticed Tennessee has its Paris, Georgia has its Athens and Rome, Maryland has its Berlin, Virginia has its Glasgow, Moscow, and The Hague, New York and Ohio have their Liverpool, Wisconsin has its Johannesburg, New Mexico has its Madrid, Illinois has its Cairo, Shanghai City and New Dehli….or maybe we should just go back to using the original American Indian place names; Alabama becomes “thicket-clearers“, Shenandoah Valley becomes “daughter of the stars“, Michigan becomes “large lake“, Utah becomes “high up“, Wichita becomes “scattered lodges”….